Scarred by Mia Kerick

Author:Mia Kerick [Kerick, Mia]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2017-03-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eleven

Matt

Once again, I’ve been drawn to The Only Tiki Hut on Placida Island, as a moth is drawn to the flame. I drink my beer slowly, another brew of Vedie’s choice, and I cannot help but run through my mind a long list of discontents.

I don’t like how Joey looks at Vedie’s ass when he bends over a table to fill the gray tub with dirty dishes. He’s doing it right now, as I swallow my last sip. And seeing this makes my fingers itch with an almost unavoidable need to grasp the older man by the neck of his faded green T-shirt and throttle him until he’ll never again be physically able to stand behind Vedie and drool over his body. I close my eyes and mentally go there, just long enough to imagine the pleasure that would be mine if I were to give in to my rage.

“Hey, Matt. Tonight’s special is lobster mac and cheese. I tried it—the stuff is legendary.” Sheila’s smiling at me, and it’s a brighter smile than usual, as if maybe she thinks we’ll soon be going on a double date together. I don’t think I like this.

“Sounds good. I’ll take two to go.” I want to look away from her smile, but I can’t.

“One’s for Vedie, right?” Her smile turns into a grin.

My blush gives me away, I’m sure. “And put lots of rolls in the bag, please, and a garden salad, too… heavy on cucumbers.”

Another thing I dislike is how I’m starting to know Vedie’s preferences. He’ll slather the rolls with butter and pick the cucumber slices out of his salad with two fingers and dip them into the ranch dressing that he will have poured onto a saucer, and close his eyes while savoring them.

I don’t like that I admitted to Vedie my cat Jennifer is named after Jennifer Aniston, and Bob is actually Sponge Bob Square Pants.

I don’t like that when I come back to reality on my living room couch or in my bed, after my mind has shut down because I couldn’t handle a question or a smell or a sound, that Vedie is holding me, his arm tight around my shoulders. And I feel safe—so safe that I sometimes pretend I’m not back yet, and I close my eyes and let time stand still while relishing the comfort.

But more than anything else I don’t like that Vedie knows my secret. That I provided him with enough clues to guess it… and that I did this intentionally. I wanted him to know because I needed to share in his strength.

I don’t like it at all.

All of this is why I have to push him away.

Like I did this morning when I woke up on the couch beside him… practically on top of him… clutching the man with greedy fingers like he’s my long lost security blanket. And to make it worse, he was awake, already looking at me—not with disgust or bewilderment or pity— but with compassion.

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